BING BONG POW
by Jahvid
I heard the annoying buzz of my vintage gold plated alarm clock and thought that it was too early. I wanted to go back to sleep for five minutes. Two minutes later I heard the clock again and I was up with a flourish. I took a quick shower and then ran out of the house without any thought of breakfast. To get to work I had to go through the city centre but it wasn’t normally very crowded on Thursdays. Today it was as packed as a mother would a suitcase. I wondered what the problem was and then heard a sound that is indistinguishable from any other sound. The annoying sound was bing bong!
Suddenly I felt weird. I could see my hands changing into sinister yellowy green tentacles and my feet disappearing. In an instant I could feel my back getting more deformed. My skin started to get all slimy and tough. I needed to get out of public view.
Banished from my home planet, Zerge, the fourth planet in the second outer galaxy of Zonk, the only way I could get back was to complete a challenge. Ali, the elder of Zerge, had ordered me to do this even though his look of disbelief made me think that I would never make it back to my planet alive. My challenge was to help three earthlings in need.
So I said quietly, “If I come back you need to make me king of this planet.”
“Why?” Ali replied.
“I am the only person who has left the outer galaxy and I am the only person who will come back.”
“Acceptable. But you were the only being who got banished from this planet. It was your fault. Zergeans are a caring and helping race and you completely disobeyed our planet’s law. When you complete a task I will transport myself down to earth. You are the only one who will be able to see or hear me.”
There was a flash of golden light. Unexpectedly, I found myself back in the shopping centre. I heard a scream. When I turned around to see what the problem was, I could see a gang of teenagers trying to take an elderly lady’s handbag. I remembered Ali’s worlds. A few moments after the sound bing bong, something bad always happened. Again that familiar weird sensation came over me. I could see my hands changing into tentacles and my feet disappearing. My back became deformed. My skin started to get all slimy and tough. I knew that this was my chance to get one step closer to leaving this planet. I decided to help this poor, abused lady by retrieving her tiger-skin handbag. As the teenagers were running I appeared in front of them. I breathed a foul stench of my onion breath in their faces. They wet themselves and ran off dropping the handbag on the floor.
Then I heard a familiar voice bellowing, “Two more people to help.” Immediately, I changed back in to my human form, continuing on my way to work.
“Good morning, Luke,” said Jim.
“Hello. You look happy today,” I said in a friendly voice.
“That’s because my wife has just had a baby.” Jim jumped up and down excitedly.
“Oh, I remember now. What’s the baby’s name then?”
“Emily.”
“What a beautiful name. Well I better be off now or I will be late for work. See you!”
The elevator came quickly. As the door closed, I heard bing bong. The elevator door opened immediately revealing the putrid sight of a man who has just been sick in his hands. In spite of his best efforts to keep the vomit contained, losing control he projectile-vomited all over the shoes of everyone standing in the elevator. It looked like squirrel that had just been pounded flat by a steamroller. The fetid smell was overwhelming. Everybody was gagging and shrieking.
By the time this had happened I had already turned in to my normal state. I wondered how on earth I was going to help this man. I ran over to the maintenance room and grabbed a mop and bucket. I felt humiliated; as a very sophisticated life form, I shouldn’t be on my hands and knees scrubbing while everyone else was drinking coffee. In my annoyance, I had forgotten that I could have made all the vomit disappear with just a flick of my wrist.
“Nearly there, just one more task remaining.” Ali’s voice echoed inside my head.
Bing bong. There it was again. The annoying sound came ringing in my ears as I walked slowly down the stairs for my lunch break. When I got to the bottom I saw Elizabeth, Jim’s wife, pushing their baby in her pram across the High Street. A silver Vauxhall Astra came out of nowhere. The front tyre exploded. BANG! Swerving out of control, it was about to hit Elizabeth and the baby.
I could see my hands changing into sinister yellowy green tentacles and my feet disappearing. In an instant I could feel my back getting more deformed. My skin started to get all slimy and tough. Quick as a flash, I blinked my left eye; the car disappeared. The last two minutes replayed. I smiled at Elizabeth and the baby. She waved as she strolled into Marks and Spencer.
In a blinding yellow light, Ali appeared in front of me.
“You have completed all of your tasks. Go home.”
The roar of the Zergean space craft made me blissful. Suddenly, the door opened and out came Jupiter and all my family. They all fell to their knees and declared, “YOUR MAJESTY!”
As the spaceship left the Earth atmosphere I looked back at the house and I saw my vintage gold plated clock stopped at half past seven. My work suit lay crumpled on the floor beside it.
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